So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
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if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
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My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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