great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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