I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
