i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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