all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
