Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
