..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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