Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
