First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
zippers are such a cool invention
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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