i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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