May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
