I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
