Well douche your snatch and let's go!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
