In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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