No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
