Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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