A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
