I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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