everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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