Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
