Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
