why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
