I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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