i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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