Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
