Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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