made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice