Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering