fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
