enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
