i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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