i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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