Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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