she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
