Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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