I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
