..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
