the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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