Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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