i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
