ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
