The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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