I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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