Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
