saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
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Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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