My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
a search helicopter?!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
