If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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