Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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