at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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