Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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