i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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