Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
