a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
