Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We left the knife in your bed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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