I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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