It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
