those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
