I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
