So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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