its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
