I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
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A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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