Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he thought i was a dude.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
