just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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