'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I AM VODKA MAN
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
