Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
