he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
