Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
