Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
