I'm pants shitting drunk right now
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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