Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
