Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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