So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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