Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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