I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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