Sry I called you an 8
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
