gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
