My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
this hospital has no fireball
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
