we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
